Anatomy of an Engagement

Anatomy of an Engagement.

Three years ago I was no longer single. I had a boyfriend.
One year ago, I was no longer a girlfriend. I was a Fiancée.
Somewhere around 11 months ago, I became a "Bride-To-Be," a role I filled concurrently with the role as Fiancée. Yes, they are very, very separate.
Eight months ago, I was no longer a Granddaughter.
Six months ago, I was unemployed.
Four months ago, I was the "New Gal".
Two days ago, I was a Bachelorette.
For ONE day, I shall be a Bride.
And for the rest of my life, I will be a Mrs.

For all the brouhaha around getting married, I firmly believe that the wedding overshadows the marriage. To our culture, being married is Good^TM because you eventually produce Childrenettes®, right? But where is all the emphasis put? Where do we spend tons of money, lots of time, blood, sweat, and tears? I think it very unfortunate that we, as a culture, do this. I think it sad that we don't offer more preparation for marriage; for being partners with someone. If half of the emphasis put on weddings was put on child rearing, education, etc... that we as a nation would be much stronger. But there's not alot of money in education, I suppose.

On a side note, though, I have come to the realization that going through the wedding planning has taught me alot. It has taught me, among other things:

• How to let go.
• How to not whine.
• How to resolve conflict.
• How to deal with history, esp. history that occurred well before you were born, but somehow finds it's way into your wedding.
• How to mourn.
• How to ignore negatives, enjoy positives, and know when to do each.
• How to hold on.

Up until July of this year, I would have vehemently suggested that anyone thinking about getting married should elope. Then I came to a startling realization: Maybe it's not supposed to be easy. Maybe, just maybe, you and your intended see each other at their best, and at their worst, and everywhere in between. You see how your familes react to crises, small or large, how different they are, and how they just want the best for both of you. That is worth all the bickering, all the laughter, all the doubts, and all the joys. If you can learn one thing about your beloved, and still call them your beloved, then you've accomplished what you've set out to do: be together.